Angry Jew

I'm Joey and I have anger issues.

4 years ago 3,496 notes Source Source
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clientsfromhell

Client: Do you do lemonade?

Me: Do we do… lemonade?

Client: Yes, I was told you do that here.

Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop.

Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot. 

Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -  

Client: Look If you can’t lemonade these papers for me then I’ll go somewhere else!

Me: Do you mean… laminate?

polar-bite

RETAIL

3 years ago 595,438 notes Source Source

commanderinqueef

imagine if butterflies breathed fire 

but only a little bit of fire

fromonesurvivortoanother

“hi pet butterfly would you light this candle for me?”

*puff puff*

“thanks little buddy”

fearlesskids

“yo butterfly light my joint”

“thanks lil nigga”

defendsl0thpunk

two kinds of people

5 years ago 393,394 notes Source

"

do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.

you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.

there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.

but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

"

— Tyler Ford (via winterkristall)

(via rodehead-deactivated20160629)

2 years ago 569,682 notes Source Source

dekutree

acceptable pet names:

  • babe
  • baby
  • sweetie
  • cutie pie
  • darling
  • honey

unacceptable pet names:

  • boo boo sweetie oojy woojy poogy poo
  • cthulhu 
  • sweet devil prince in the pale moon light
  • Leslie
  • floor
  • 2% milk
  • Ella Fitzgerald

snoozlebee

i think you have these mixed up

5 years ago 192,799 notes Source Source

squeezemyrod

semen has as much vitamin c in it as an orange

absolutely horrifying

brotherentropy

so what you’re telling me is that sucking dick can prevent scurvy

boosmygod

this really sheds a whole new light on pirate lifestyles

5 years ago 96,074 notes Source Source

tupacabra

white girl: my eyes change color

666-slut

actually eyes do change color!! this is according to sun or light exposure it varies by age too and by what youre wearing or the lighting and it says white girl bc most non white people have brown eyes and only blue or green eyes are susceptible to these things :)

cas-is-lost

Did you just turn a sexist trash post and make it awesome with truth? Thank

3 years ago 185,951 notes Source Source

tupacabra

white girl: my eyes change color

666-slut

actually eyes do change color!! this is according to sun or light exposure it varies by age too and by what youre wearing or the lighting and only blue or green eyes are susceptible to these things :)

cas-is-lost

Did you just turn a sexist trash post and make it awesome with truth? Thank

4 years ago 185,951 notes Source Source